Go Indie?!

(The following originally appeared in truncated form on Stereogum HERE.)

Amazon recently launched a new indie music store called "Go Indie" and partnered with 30 record labels to release 700 albums, 150 of which will be sold for $9.99. As Universal Music Group will tell you between tears, lowering the price of a CD doesn’t necessarily mean higher sales, but it’s still a smart move on Amazon’s part to expose certain albums to people who liked “that weird music on the Garden State soundtrack.”

But wait!

Digging a little deeper, something didn’t sit well with me. I mean, you had your Shins, your Pavements, and your Interpols alright. But the list contained some unusual choices as to what constitutes “indie” these days.

"In this day and age, it's rare that a retailer carries the full range of our releases, so thank God for Amazon.com," said a big shot at Sub Pop in a press release.

“Full range,” man? You have no idea. I present to you some select choices from Amazon’s “Go Indie” Store.

Colin Hay - Man at Work

“Man at Work”! Get it!?!? If we’re defining “indie classic” as a group from the 80s with nonsensical, obtuse lyrics, then Men At Work fit the bill. My only guess is that this fits the “ironic” part of the store; y’know, the same part where the DJ drops “Who Can It Be Now?” at two in the morning and everyone go nuts. For those who liked the original songs but thought, “I wish I could have a Men at Work album I could fall asleep to,” there are special, stripped-down acoustic versions on this one.

Clutch - Pitchfork and Lost Needles

Hmm, you think this funk stoner-rock group from the 90s were included for their contribution to the indie-rock canon or because of a special “keyword” in the album title. Conspiracy theorists: I expect e-mail on this one.

Ministry of Sound - The Annual 2007

Various Artists - Ultra Dance 07

Armin van Buuren - State of Trance 2006

The only things some dance music and indie heads have in common are the propensity to dress very silly and to make stupid faces when anything remotely looking like a camera is presented. Other than that, the presence of these discs is a bit baffling. Having an album called “State of Trance 2006” to begin with is a bit like having “State of Jugband 2006” or “State of Ragtime 2006.” And Ministry of Sound, huh? Can you still be an “indie” label while running numerous clubs around the world, hosting international TV and radio shows and having your label head worth nearly $200 million? According to Amazon, hey, sure, why not?

"Have you heard the new Voxtrot?"
"It's OK, but it's no Field Music."

Putamayo Presents - World Playground

On the surface, it may seem odd to include a world music album in a store called “Go Indie,” but it actually makes perfect sense. Putamayo puts out 408 different styles of music, yet still manages to be called “World” by category-killer retailers who aren’t exactly re-organizing their dwindling CD sections to differentiate between, say, “Brazil” and “Congo.” Still, this album fulfills the unwritten indie requirement that at least one disc in a hipster’s collection be from a third-world country. For $9.99, it’s worth buying it and adding to your collection even though it will be played a total of zero times.

Kris Kristofferson - This Old Road

The only reason I can think of to include this one is that Kristofferson was born in 1854, at a time when “independent music” meant a man in Kentucky playing a fiddle alone on a hill. In all likelihood, though, this one made the list because a 60-year old boss recommended it and the 20-somethings who put together the list were too afraid to tell him what the term “indie music” means today. Thanks a lot, you spineless suck-ups. That’s another The Clean or Birthday Party CD that will remain undiscovered, and subsequently hated, by millions.

Busdriver - RoadKillOvercoat

The Coup - Pick A Bigger Weapon

Sage Francis - A Healthy Distrust

With the exception of Beastie Boys, an old Public Enemy record and any one of many ridiculously untalented white female rappers, this pretty much covers the spectrum of hip-hop enjoyed by the indie set. Busdriver is a L.A. cat that impresses people by saying 308 words/second, regardless of meaning or logic. The Coup are known for fierce political lyrics that make any slacktivist go, “Whaddyamean, I don’t like any political music? I like The Coup.” And Sage Francis, well, most of his indie audience comes from people who confuse him with the Death From Above 1979 guy.

Various Artists - Indiana Jones Trilogy

OK, I call bulls**t on Amazon telling me this list was human-generated. Somewhere in China, there is a robot scanning through all of Amazon’s titles and putting in anything containing the word “Indi.” Despite the obvious indie cred that songs like “The Mine Car Chase,” “The Ark Trek,” and “Indy’s First Adventure” have garnered over the years (Sorry, Sufjan, all those titles are copyrighted), this is probably the work of a horrible pun-ster who slipped this one in last minute. “How ‘bout Indi-ana Jones, eh? Guys? Guys?? Wait up!”

Rough Guide: Bhangra Dance, Latin Arabia, Bollywood

Don’t you hate getting all excited to check out some up-and-coming buzz band, only to be constantly bothered at the show by people deciding which Latin restaurant or Bhangra club they want to hit up afterwards? What? That’s never happened?! Oh yeah. Me neither.

The Cult - Singles 1984-1995

“Fi-rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-rr-rr-rre, smoke she is a rising, fire!” Remember that 1989 “indie” classic that was on MTV every fifth video for a year straight? This one has all the classics ranging from “Fire Woman” to, uh, the other non-“Fire Woman” ones. When these goth nerds realized they couldn’t succeed in America unless they ditched the gloomy sadness in favor of future NASCAR anthems, they came out with this album. Now that’s indie!

Ace Frehley - Greatest Hits Live

As you may or may not know, Ace Frehley is the guitarist for KISS. You know what? F**k it. This one’s too easy. Insert your own joke here.

To play the home version of “Mock the Corporate Giant,” you can find the list in all its glory HERE.